hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 19:49:55 GMT 1
The landlord said, "Why are you looking so happy?"I said, "My wife had one of those procedures done at the hospital today, that would put a smile on most men's faces."He said, "A breast enlargement?"I said, "No, a postmortem."
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 19:50:23 GMT 1
What's the difference between PMT and BSE? one attacks the cow's brain and sends it effing mental, and the other is some kind of farming problem.
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 19:50:54 GMT 1
A big row broke out in the Irish Olympic synchronised diving team after Paddy accused Mick of copying him!
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 19:52:13 GMT 1
Have you ever gone up stairs and when you've got there forgot the reason why? I did, so I went back down stairs again...... and nuts myself.
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 19:52:36 GMT 1
Bloke at the races whispers to murphy, "Do you want the winner of the next race?"
Murphy says, "No thanks, I've .only got a small garden".
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 19:53:07 GMT 1
My wife said switching off her mothers life support machine was the most difficult thing she ever had to do.She's obviously never tried sneezing holding a full pint
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 19:53:48 GMT 1
Rolf Harris was in Tesco last wk, when a little old lady asked... "Are you that bloke from the 70's who did 'Two Little Boys' ?
"No" he replied " "That was Gary Glitter" !
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 19:54:18 GMT 1
The England team visited an orphanage in Poland today.
"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Igor, aged 6.
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 19:57:06 GMT 1
A scientist has invented a bra that stops boobs bobbing up & down & nipples sticking out in the cold. His colleagues have kicked his effing head in!
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 19:57:49 GMT 1
I walked past a man standing outside a burning house earlier and he started screaming at me, "My wife is still in there!""Alright mate" I said to him, "There's no need to effing gloat."
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 20:03:29 GMT 1
the weathers gone mad,I swear I saw the sun today
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 20:04:06 GMT 1
The English F.A have confirmed that Duran Duran are to release Englands Euro 2012 song.
'His Name Is Rio And He Watches From The Stand'
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 20:04:45 GMT 1
Liverpool fans have always thought of Kenny Dalglish as one of their own......it's a bond that's bound to grow even stronger now he's unemployed.
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 20:06:14 GMT 1
2 Indian junkies accidentally snorted curry powder instead of cocaine. Both were rushed to hospital....... One's in a korma, and the other's got a dodgy tikka
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hairyuk
All Weather Rider, well hard
Posts: 155
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Post by hairyuk on Jun 29, 2012 20:13:02 GMT 1
I've just noticed you studied at Yale - any chance of getting a couple of keys cut for me ?
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